


For Rachael

by clgfanfic



Category: Alias Smith and Jones
Genre: F/M, Het
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-29
Updated: 2012-10-29
Packaged: 2017-11-17 06:35:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/548657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clgfanfic/pseuds/clgfanfic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Kid spends some time with a woman.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For Rachael

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published in the zine Devil's Hole #3 under the pen name Caryn Mayo.

I do not know why I am writing this down now; perhaps it is to ensure that I never forget.  But that is not entirely truthful.  I would never forget.  It must be for you, sweetheart.  So you will know who your daddy was.  Someday you will want to know; I know you will.

I had been alone for a little over a year.  I married young, all of fourteen years, but I had a good life with William while he was alive.  He was twenty when we married in Saint Louis.  He looked handsome in his wedding suit, his red-blond hair just cut.  He was a small man, but he carried himself large.  He had green eyes, a gift from his Irish mother.

I am not sure I ever really loved William, but he was a kind man and he took good care of me.  I would be pleased if you found such a man for your own, but I pray you find a man like my outlaw – a man who stirs your heat and soul.  A man who makes you feel like you are so much alive.

The year following our wedding William and I headed west.  William wanted to see all the sights we had been reading about in Saint Louis.  William was an illustrator, an artist really, always drawing something and selling his pictures to the newspapers and some of the fancy periodicals they sold back east.  He made a good living for us.

I was carrying Esther Jean, your half-sister, when he found the land we settled down on.  It is beautiful here, in a low mountain meadow with plenty of trees and rich earth for the garden.  And there's a creek not far away.  The same creek you play in.  Wapiti is the closest town.  It is an Indian name, but I never asked what it meant.  It is a small town, but it had all we ever needed.

William hired some of the tame Shoshones who live around Wapiti to help him build our house.  A few of the Indian women came with the men and they made a fuss over me.  It was my first baby.  Esther Jean was so small and pale when she was born, not like you.  You were healthy and pink.  The croup took her just before her third birthday.  She fought, but she did not have the strength you do.

Daniel was born almost a year later.  He never had a chance at life, dying just a few hours after he was born.  His death took the joy out of William.  I think he blamed me, though to be honest he never said so.  That next spring William went out to make some of his drawings from Artist's Point.  Some of the Shoshone men brought his body back to me.  They said he had been on his way home when the trail had given way under him.  His horse had landed on him and broke his neck.

I buried William out with Esther and Daniel.  I know I told you William O'Neill was your daddy.  But that was a lie.  He died almost two years before you were born.

Now William had been saving for six years to buy more land, so I had me a sizable nest egg to get by on, and I was careful.  Since it was just me, I did not need much.  And I took to making the quilts and selling them in Jackson.  They fetched me a fine price, still do.  It is always enough for me to lay in supplies for winter and still buy what I need to make more.

It was one year and three weeks to the day since William died when I found your real daddy.  He was lying in the meadow grass, bleeding from a bullet that had dug into his leg.  He told me later that it was a ricochet.

I bent down and shook him, thinking he was dead.  But his eyes opened.  He had the bluest eyes I had ever seen, just like yours.  I told him I had a cabin nearby and asked if he could sit his horse.  He got up, with my help, and back on his horse.  I took him back to the cabin.

I was afraid that he would fall before he made it into the cabin, but he managed.  I guided him over to the bed William and I had shared and told him to lie down.  He was sleeping before his head reached the pillow.

While he was sleeping I worked off his clothes, no small achievement, and cleaned him up as best I could.  He was a fine looking man, Rachel Lynn.  He was tall and strong, but not bulky, and his hair was a mass of corn-colored curls, just like yours.  I remember that he must have shaved recently, too, because his face was smooth.  I know because I reached out and ran my fingers along his jaw, thinking how beautiful he was.

He was close to my age, which was twenty at the time, though maybe a couple of years older.  I never did get around to asking him.

I had never dug a bullet out of a body before, but as it turned out, it was not all that hard.  He slept through that, but when I poured the corn whisky over the wound he nearly sat up in the bed.  Then he cursed me.

When he saw what I was doing he turned bright pink and apologized right quick. Your daddy was a rather polite man, something you would do well to remember.

I put my quilting skills to work and stitched up his leg next.

He healed quickly.  I know it was because he had a strong constitution, though he said it was because of my doctoring and my good cooking.  You have your father's appetite.

He told me right off who he was, Jed Curry.  William had told me about Kid Curry, Hannibal Heyes and the gang they rode with.  William said the Devil's Hole Gang was holding up trains all over Wyoming.  Banks, too.  But he'd also heard that they made it a point not to hurt anyone.

They sounded to me like Robin Hood and his band of thieves.  Still do, though it has been years now since I have read about another robbery by the Devil's Hole Gang.

Jed told me that everybody calls him "Kid," but I couldn't get into the habit.  I called him Jed.

He had been with me for two weeks, and I knew he was wanting to head back to their hideout.  He worried that Hannibal Heyes would be fretting over him.  They are cousins, Rachel Lynn, so you are related to the two most successful outlaws in the history of the west.  But I forbid you to take their illegal ways to heart.

For days I had been longing to kiss him and more.  At first I thought it was just because it had been so long since William had died.  But as the days passed I realized that I had feelings for Jed that I had never had for William.

I know it was a sinful thing to do, but I made up my mind that I was going to have at least one night with Jed Curry in my bed.  When you are older, I know you will understand.  I pray you do.  I will tell you now how that night came about.

I write this down for you, Rachel, because there will be a day when you are a woman, and you will begin to long for a man.  But having married a man that I discovered I did not love, and then having found one that I did, I want to you know what it can be like, when you find a man who you can give yourself to body and soul.

I watched Jed ease himself out of his chair and limp across the living room.  His leg still ached a little, and he tried to rest more of his weight on his healthy leg, but he teetered unsteadily and had to put his weight on both legs.  He cursed softly under his breath, then blushed and apologized.

He quickly lifted his foot, hopping slightly until he could lower just his big toe back to the floor to steady himself.  Shaking his head, he told me he was afraid he was going to be laid up for at least another week.  I cannot say that I was disappointed.

Confined to the cabin, Jed and I had quickly created our own schedule.  I rose at five, as I still do to tend the animals and the garden, then fixed breakfast.  After we ate, I worked on my quilts.  He watched me and he talked.  I don't think William and I ever talked so much the entire time we were married.  He told me about his childhood and his life with his cousin, Hannibal Heyes and the Devil's Hole Gang, stories I will endeavor to write down for you as well.  Then it was time to do chores and get dinner started.  After we ate and I cleaned up I read to him.  He seemed to like that, and before he left he told me that Hannibal Heyes often did the same thing.

More chores and I started supper.  He tried to help me, but he was really more of a hindrance than a help, so I sent him back to the living room to rest.  He often spent his time reading.

After supper he did help me clean up and wash dishes.  Then I bedded down the animals and carried in water for the following day.  This should all sound familiar, as it is just what we do.

After supper he would build the fire and we would sit and talk some more.  Sometimes he would read, and now and again we played checkers.

But I must return to that one particular night.  As I said, he was in the living room, fretting.  He heard my footsteps coming into the room before he saw me.  He turned and I saw his eyes widen just before a heavenly smile made his face all the more handsome.  I had taken out one of my better dresses, one I hadn't worn since William had died.  It was a pale rosy color, with a little line of white lace along the scoop neck and short sleeves.

"Something smells awful good," he said, giving me a curious look.

I dipped his head, my cheeks coloring slightly.  "Supper will be ready in a few minutes," I told him.

I saw him tremble slightly.  Now I think it was because he found me attractive, desirable.  William had always told me I was a pretty woman.  I do not think I ever believed him, but that night I was hoping that he had been right.

He looked away, not wanting to get caught staring.

With efficient movements, I prepared our meal, setting everything out on the dining room table.  I had even pulled out the good linen and the China plates my mother gave me for my wedding present.  For the life of me I cannot remember what it was I fixed that night.  I suppose that it was because I spent the entire time watching him.

When we were done, Jed helped me carry the empty dishes back to the kitchen. I washed that night and he dried them off.

I asked him if he wanted coffee and he said yes.  I knew that meant we would be able to spend a little time sitting in the living room.  While I waited for the coffee, I took a deep breath and reviewed the decision that had brought me to that moment.

Unfortunately, from where I leaned against the kitchen counter I could see the back of his head and his broad shoulders.  When I asked myself if this was really a good idea, I could do no more than think "yes."

I can tell you, Rachel, my stomach was all a-flutter as I took down two cups and set them on the serving tray.  But I felt so sure that he would understand, that he would say yes, that I decided to go through with it.

I filled the cups, then carried the tray back to the sofa.  Handing his cup to him, I smiled at the slightly nervous expression.  That struck me as funny.  Here he was, an infamous outlaw, and he was the one who was nervous.

I cannot tell you how sweet I found that moment.

We chatted for a time, then we each drifted into books we were reading.  I will always be eternally grateful that William loved books and that he had built up such a wonderful library.  I could tell that Jed's mind was not on what he was reading.  He constantly glanced up and over the top of his book, watching me.  I kept trying to read, but I was not getting very far either.

Two hours crept by before Jed stood and stretched.  "Think I'm gonna turn in," he said.

I looked up from the same page I had been staring at for nearly an hour.  "Excuse me?" I said, just to hear his voice again.

"Think I'm goin' t' bed," he repeated.  "But I'm gonna check on the horses first."

"Oh, very good," I think I said.  "Good night."

"Night."

While he was away, I made myself ready and waited in his room.  That sounds so brazen as I write it, but I assure you, I was anything but bold.

I believe he sensed my presence before he opened the door.  I suppose he could have just turned and walked away, but he did not.

Stepping into the darkness, he hesitated, but he could not see me.  I was very glad that I had not lit the oil lamp.  I remained as I was and listened as he quietly undressed.  When he was undressed and started for the bed, my breath caught in my throat.

He stopped.

"I'm sorry," I said, and my voice sounded almost frightened.

"Sarah?" he asked.  "Somethin' wrong?"

I hesitated, then said, "I have a favor to ask you."

He walked to the edge of his bed where I sat.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I want you to make love to me," I said as matter-of-factly as I could manage.  "Tonight…  Right now."

Jed took a half-step back, and I would guess he briefly considered running.

"Pardon?" he said.

I stood.  "I don't know if you're going to understand this, but I want you to make love to me.  I'm not asking you to marry me, or take me with you.  I just need to feel like a woman again."

"I don't understand," he admitted.

I could not explain my feelings.  To this day I am not completely sure I truly understand them myself.  But at that moment, with that man, I needed to be in his arms. I needed him to love me.

As I knew he would, Jed took the role of the gentleman.  "But you–"

I took a step closer.  "Please," I said, "No one will ever know."

I heard him swallow and moved closer to stand next to him.  With a slightly trembling hand he reached out, caressing the side of my face.  And I knew I had made the right decision.

He touched the other side of my face with the back of his hand.  The small, desperate sound I made in reply was all it took.  He pulled me into his arms, widening his stance, lifting me towards him and pressing me intimately close, making me fully aware of his desire.

"Love me, Jed," I instructed.

Jed's lips met mine with an excruciating tenderness that made me tremble.  It was a gentle kiss, his mouth sipping at mine, savoring each taste.  And I did the same.

I gave myself over to his tender treatment and he kissed me more passionately.  For a brief moment I wondered if I had made the right decision and I stiffened.

He took my face between his hands, his gaze searching.  "You can say no."

"No, Jed.  I want you to love me."

"All right," he replied softly, his head dipping again.

This was a soft, ardent kiss and I felt my skin tingle as his tongue explored the shape of my mouth.  I shivered, desire surging through me.

His lips moved over mine in a sensual exploration, the tip of his tongue slipping between my lips in darting, teasing forays.  I quivered in response and pressed my hips closer, enjoying the way his manhood pulsed in reply.  He was thick and long and I felt the need beginning to build, low in my belly.

I parted my lips and rejoiced when Jed immediately deepened the kiss.  The tip of my tongue slipped into the warm, moist sweetness of his mouth.  He pulled me more tightly to him and I responded, arching against him again, my hips rocking in an inviting rhythm.

His large, powerful hands traveled up and down my back and hips, caressing and stroking over my dress as he molded himself ever closer.  A soft moan of pleasure escaped his throat, and my tongue plunged deeper, stroking and probing with an ardent passion that left me weak.

I ran my fingers through his hair as he returned my kiss with equal fervor.  My legs trembled as I felt the rippling muscles in his legs press against my own.  I was quickly growing wild with wanting him, and the fierceness of that want shook me through and through.  It had never felt like this with William.

We broke apart and he lit the oil lamp, but turned the light down low.  My gaze locked with his, and I had the oddest sensation of being drawn into the cool blue depths of his eyes.  It was as if I were being lured close to some hidden secret, then he reached out and deftly undressed me.

He bent over me, kissing the base of my throat while his nimble fingers played over my shoulders, then he reached out, covering one of my now naked breasts with his hand.  I drew in a shuddering breath at the pleasure it roused in me, a hundred times more sweet than anything I had imagined.

His lips found mine again, both of his hands cupping me in his warm palms, his fingers kneading my flesh as his thumbs traced erotic patterns over my rosy tips.  I gasped, the tantalizing movements of his fingers sending waves of delight through me.

When my nipples had hardened, he tore his mouth away from mine and nuzzled the side of my neck.  A violent shudder quaked through me as his tongue traced a line of fire down the side of my neck, his hands roaming over my bared skin.

He tenderly captured both of my hands and curved them around his neck.  Then slowly, sensuously, he let his own hands slide down my bare arms to my shoulders, then down the curve of my spine, molding me to him.

I felt myself go weak, lost in the imprint of his body, the seductive pressure of his thighs as we both swayed to a silent, sweet music.

His hands continued moving, exploring slowly over my back and hips, his fingertips tracing my spine and shoulder blades in an erotic caress.  Desire, fierce and hot, quaked through my body.  "Please," I whispered against his lips.

For just a moment his gaze devoured me, then he scooped me up in his arms and placed me gently on the bed.  I watched while he quickly undressed, then he was beside me.

I was wanton, lying with my head thrown back, allowing him to feast on my skin.  His mouth trailed across my cheek to ear, his tongue tracing delicate swirls on the lobe before he suckled it.  I sighed and moaned softly, my hips demanding.

His lips glided down in a rain of soft kisses before he nibbled at the base of my neck, then dropped further to brush lightly across my breasts.  He rested his face in that valley, then turned his head and breathed a hot, moist trail over my skin, finally taking possession of the aroused peak, darting his tongue across it in a rasping movement that seared through me, making me moan with pleasure.  He did it again, and I arched beneath him.

He rolled the hard button with his tongue for a moment, then his lips took over and he kissed and tasted.  As he gently nuzzled my breasts, I sighed and cupped his head to hold him close.  His lips and tongue caressed me with maddening leisure, and after a while I writhed with longing under the tantalizing exploration.

"Please, Jed… please," I gasped, desire building until I could hardly endure it.

With a smile in his voice he whispered, "Soon, I promise." Another blissful moan escaped my throat as his lips closed over the peak of my breast.  I drew a deep breath, arching upward in response, my hands moving his back and shoulders.

It had been so long since I had felt a man's loving touch.

His hands moved to my waist, teasing gently over my hips, then down my legs.  Then his head dipped again, lips and tongue caressing my breasts, a hand stroking the length of my body, from throat to knees, and back again.

I let my hands roam, my fingers threading through his golden curls, then rubbed over his neck, downward over his ribcage to his taut, flat stomach.  The soft hiss of Jed's sharply indrawn breath halted my hands on their path of discovery.  He began to shake.

He raised up, then gently, tenderly, his mouth claimed mine, and a piercing sweetness stabbed at my heart.  The soft, mobile kiss was the most exquisitely sensual thing I had ever experienced.

Trembling with fear and wonder, I felt Jed's hands slide down my sides and press under my back, his arms wrapping around me, gathering me close to him.  His mouth closed over mine again.

The kiss went on endlessly – a soft, persuasive seduction that stirred my senses and left me wanting much more.

Very slowly, he pulled his mouth from mine and looked down into my eyes.  "Do you really want this, Sarah?" he asked.

"Yes," I said, my hands sliding up over his warm, smooth chest, then gliding over his bare shoulders.  I pressed him over onto his back and launched my own exploration.

I traced a pattern on his chest with the tip of my tongue.  I knew he desired me.  Gently he reached out and took my hand, guiding it to his manhood.

I felt my eyes widen slightly, but I smiled and said nothing.  My fingers wrapped around him and I squeezed.  He moaned softly, then whimpered.  It is a sweet sound, and one I do not remember William ever making.  He was a God-fearing man, Rachel.  He believed that a man and woman should only lie together when they were trying to create life, and after Daniel's death, he abandoned that quest.  I do not agree.  Physical love can be a joyful thing, with the right man.  Find that man, Rachel, and revel in the joy as I did that night.

My ministrations made his stomach knot, and he reached out, stopping my hand, then moved so he was lying beside me once again, in control of our adventure.

Then his hand slid down over my stomach, over my leg to my knee.  His fingers stroked upward over my inner thigh, the intimate caress sending a searing heat rushing through my body and pooling between my legs.  I moaned and closed my eyes, letting the sensation lift my spirits.

His fingers tangled in a most intimate spot, then boldly ventured farther until they found that secret between my thighs.  He parted me gently with his fingers, and I closed around him.  I felt him tremble.

When his mouth kissed my most intimate skin, an unbridled desire raged through my body and I cried out.  He did not stop, but I felt his soft laughter against my flesh.  The pleasure he gave me was more than any I had ever known.  I arched up against him, telling him without words what I wanted.

I felt the immediate answering shift of weight as he moved over me, and I parted my legs gladly.  He filled me and I was overwhelmed with a glorious sense of completeness.

Jed began to move, slowly at first, but when he saw the hungry look on my face he thrust harder, entering me deeply.  I moaned, and so did he.

I lifted my knees and tilted my hips, letting him in even further.  It is a trick, my dear, to remember.

When I pressed up, he pulled back, then rocked forward.  I found myself locking my legs around his waist.  And it was heavenly.

I tried to defer the moment, but it was impossible.  Pleasure grew inside me, and I cried out again, my voice mingling with Jed's as my ecstasy peaked, sending shudders of brilliant sensation through my body.  I felt him fill me with his seed and briefly wondered if it might take root and grow.  It did not matter.  If I was so blessed I knew I would love the babe, and I did.

We clung to each other as the feeling faded, and I was left drained of everything except a deep sense of fulfillment.

Jed rolled onto his back, his eyes closed.

I moved so I lay alongside him, my head resting on his chest.  Our passions had been banked and the intimacy forged by our lovemaking was suddenly strained now by the fact that we were, in all truth, strangers.  I knew I should get up and leave now, but the warm presence beside me was too comforting.

I knew we could never have the kind of relationship I truly wanted.  We were nothing alike.  I was a normal woman, he a wanted outlaw.  He was a good man, Rachel.  He was kind and tender.  He was loving, and I know if he knew about you, he would love you as well as any father, and better than many.

He tilted his head and kissed the top of my head.  It was almost chaste, reverent.

All I could say was, "Thank you."

He did not reply, not that I had expected him to.

"Would you mind?" I asked.

"What?"

"If I stayed here tonight."

"No, I don't mind," he said, pulling me close.

I closed my eyes, knowing that he would be leaving soon.  But I had another day or two, and I planned to make the most of them.  Then I gave myself up to sleep.

The End


End file.
